To sweet beautiful Bailey,
I miss you so much. The missing of you doesn't seem to get easier in time. Your baby brother has helped me heal so much though.
I'm starting to live my life again after putting my life on hold after I lost you. Even when I was pregnant with Kyle, I just didn't have the get up and go I should have had. I missed you so painfully. When I think back to last year, I can't believe how I couldn't even live my life for Brodie, he missed out on so much, but now I want to share life with him again. We will have Christmas this year, when last Christmas I didn't even bother putting up the tree or decorations, Brodie didn't see Father Christmas - I just didn't want Christmas without you. Brodie saw a Christmas tree in the shops a couple of days ago and asked me what it was, I felt so ashamed that he didn't know. This year will be different, we may even buy a new Christmas tree. I wish you were here, but I know you know what is happening here, and I know that you would want your brothers to celebrate Christmas and all that life has to offer.
I was also thinking of taking your brothers to the Zoo soon. Last time I took Brodie, you were happily lazing about in my womb, and I was dreaming of taking the both of you once you were born. My dream isn't going to come true now.
I love you sweet baby. Will miss you forever.
Lots of Love,
Mummy
xxxxx
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Hi Fiona, geez the zoo... the zoo used to be one of my favourite places and i'd easily be there about 2 or 3 times a year.. since Matilda was born, I've been once.. and it was so painful seeing all these little girls around that i havent been able to bring myself to go back - so i can completely understand your anguish! Still, i am glad that Kyle has allowed to you to heal enough to contemplate going back there.. the zoo is a magical place and brodie and he deserve to go there and enjoy it.. similarly with christmas.. i dont think brodie will ever hold last non-christmas against you! you needed to do what you had to, to heal.. we had xmas last year and i hated most of it.. in fact i cant really remember much of it cause i made sure i was drunk! thats equally as sad as not having it.. alas this is our lives and we cant feel bad for it!
i cant believe you lost your photos - i am totally obsessed with photos - i am like the papparazzi at most events! i bought an external harddrive last year that i store all my images on.. my mother lost all our baby photos in a house move so i think that has contributed to my obsession!
i am on FB my surname is gonsalves - look me up.. i am currently without internet at home though so if i dont confirm right away dont be alarmed!
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