My Pop

Today my grandfather died.  We knew it was coming as he had advanced alzheimers and had refused food yesterday.  We didn't think he would die so quickly.  He had only been transferred to a new aged care facility that have better facilities to take care of him about a week ago.  Not sure how I feel yet as I'm probably still feeling a bit shocked.

My mum and I were discussing what we will do with his ashes.  When my Pop was capable, he always said he wanted his ashes scattered, but not in a lake, river or ocean.

We had Bailey's ashes scattered in the Barossa Valley.  I still feel uneasy with the idea of Bailey being on his own out there (didn't think or couldn't think at the time of how I would feel about scattering his ashes).

My Pop didn't remember us.  He didn't know who we were as far back as 3 years ago when we introduced Brodie to him.  He slowly forgot how to look after himself, forgot all the regular day routine, forgot his family bit by bit until he couldn't remember his sister.  It's a sad disease where a family member is robbed of all his memory.  We lost the Pop we knew a long time ago, but it's still so hard to hear the words "Pop died 10 minutes ago".  My Pop who lived to 92, but was so happy when he made it to 89 and didn't know he lived passed that, in his mind he was always going to be 89.

"Love you, Pop.  You have probably already met your beautiful great-grandson, Bailey.  He is beautiful, my gorgeous second born son.  He will hold your hand, and love you just like us.  Miss you, Pop, I've missed you for a long time"