Our beautiful baby boy ~Bailey~ was born sleeping on 24 March 2009
My lovely mum, Val, passed away on 9 April 2015 (my best friend)

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

People who I thought were my friends

I've noticed lately that people who I care about and thought cared about me, don't actually care that much. Some people now turn their backs on me when they see me coming, as if I didn't actually see them do it. Is it really that difficult to talk to me now? Have they placed me in a category of 'mother who lost her baby', and now don't want to talk to me?

At the end, I don't really talk about Bailey that much to anyone. I know that I'm the only one who really loves and misses him. I don't expect anyone to remember his due date, his birthday, or him at all. So, when people don't talk about any upcoming events or about Bailey, it doesn't really upset me that much. I basically don't care what anyone remembers or what anyone else thinks, as I'm Bailey's mum and I will always remember and love him as much as I love my Brodie. The thing I really hate, is that lots of people don't want to talk to me now at all.

I don't get advised of new pregnancies (only find out through the grapevine) or talk about how their pregnancies are going even though I would be very interested, people act strange around me, and like I mentioned before, turn their backs on me when they see me walking in their direction. Will I mention a new pregnancy to them? - they can find out through the grapevine like the way I do.

I guess I just needed to get this off my chest as it's been frustrating me lately.

The Secret Garden Meeting - August

If you created a bedroom for your baby tell us what it was like.
Did you have it ready for them before they were born?
If so how did you cope coming home to it without your baby?
Did you pack it all away?
What is your baby's room now?
If you lost your baby after they had come home what is it like going into there room now?
If you are trying to conceive again, or are pregnant again how do you feel about setting up another room before your baby is born?

We didn’t have a room set up for Bailey. We were in the process of erecting a garage in our backyard so that we could move all our odds and ends in there, which would have made our spare room available for our baby. We would have it all completed a long time before his due date, but after we lost Bailey, we’ve taken our time and our garage still isn’t finished and what would have been Bailey’s room is still in a shambles.

We now have Brodie’s cot in the spare room, which would have been used by Bailey, but it’s only in there for storage now.

Maybe in some ways it was a blessing that the room wasn’t set up and I didn’t need to alter anything, but at the same time I’m so disappointed in myself that I didn’t have anything set up at all for Bailey, even to have removed our stuff out of the room.

My parents-in-law want to stay with us in a few weeks time, so we have no option but to clear it out now and we are planning to have the garage finished in the next couple of weeks so that we have somewhere to store our stuff. It seems so strange to now be cleaning it out for my in-laws and not my little Bailey (I’d so rather be cleaning it out for Bailey).