I've noticed lately that people who I care about and thought cared about me, don't actually care that much. Some people now turn their backs on me when they see me coming, as if I didn't actually see them do it. Is it really that difficult to talk to me now? Have they placed me in a category of 'mother who lost her baby', and now don't want to talk to me?
At the end, I don't really talk about Bailey that much to anyone. I know that I'm the only one who really loves and misses him. I don't expect anyone to remember his due date, his birthday, or him at all. So, when people don't talk about any upcoming events or about Bailey, it doesn't really upset me that much. I basically don't care what anyone remembers or what anyone else thinks, as I'm Bailey's mum and I will always remember and love him as much as I love my Brodie. The thing I really hate, is that lots of people don't want to talk to me now at all.
I don't get advised of new pregnancies (only find out through the grapevine) or talk about how their pregnancies are going even though I would be very interested, people act strange around me, and like I mentioned before, turn their backs on me when they see me walking in their direction. Will I mention a new pregnancy to them? - they can find out through the grapevine like the way I do.
I guess I just needed to get this off my chest as it's been frustrating me lately.
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5 comments:
hi lovely.
I have found this too- even as recent as today ( at the school I use to teach at)...my principal could barely look me in the eye :-( and fairly well ran the other way as quick as he could. I was a bit stunned. I didn't expect that of him.
I didn't nec. need to be asked how I was or about the boys- but I didn't expect to be treated like an alien either :-((
keep finding out about pregnancies via the grapevine too...I think I'd bother much less informing others next time too.
thinking of you often.
xx
ps- I nominated you for an honest scrap award, check out my blog :-))
I think people don't know what to do or say, and no-one really gets it right unless they've been there, I think. Im tryign to go easy on ppl, or Im going to end up with no friends. Everyone just goes on with their lives, and we are the ones who will remember and honor our children. I find I am pitied, ignored, or get infants thrown in my face, none of which I handle very gracefully. So Ive been keeping to myself, probably too much.
I have had a really hard time with this same issue. It is so hard. Losing a baby isolates us and like one of my friends mentioned to me it forces us into this secret grief society. People act weird around me too, but I have learned that they really don't know what to say. Like Heather said, unless they've been there, they don't get it. It changes every relationship. The isolation hurts. I hope you know you are not alone, even though it often feels like it.
I feel for you; like Franchesca says, this babyloss reality is so isolating. I feel better knowing that others are experiencing this - so I really appreciate you sharing so honestly. We moved just weeks after our George died during my labour so I'm only just starting to get to know mums here. But my friends where we lived - just an hour away - have for the most part stopped calling and haven't visited us or invited us back. It's hard. But at the same time I've been amazed by the people who are in contact through Facebook/email - friends from my elementary and high school days I haven't seen in years and years (I'm a military brat so we moved roughly every two years growing up). (((Hugs)))
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