25 Weeks - Ultrasound Pictures

A couple of days ago, I received a letter from the ultrasound place and enclosed were these two pictures of my gorgeous baby.

I was so happy that they thought to send these to me.

"I love you little baby".

Ultrasound on Baby's Cleft

Great news.  Baby is doing really well, and is growing at the rate he should. 

Our first diagonsis was that he had bilateral cleft lip and palate, but after this ultrasound it has now been diagnosed as an unilateral cleft lip and palate.  This is such good news as only one side of his lip and palate are affected by the cleft.  Even though he'll still need surgery, speech care (most likely to ensure he doesn't have a nasal sound) and orthodontics, I believe the one side only would be considered a milder form of a cleft.  Our baby didn't really co-operate with the ultrasound technician, but she definitely confirmed that he is in fact a boy.  Brodie is going to love having a little brother to play with his car collection with him (Brodie is so mad about cars that he now insists that he takes his cars into the bath with him).

I've been praying that our baby's cleft wouldn't be as severe as our first diagonsis.  I'm so relieved that my prayers and hopes provided a milder form of a cleft.  Thank you so much, God.

It was so great to hear good news (almost forgotten what it felt like to hear good news).

Letter to Bailey - Brodie's 2nd Birthday Photo

Dear sweet Bailey,

Just wanted to share with you a photo of Brodie celebrating his 2nd Birthday.  He's cute, don't you think?  I wish with all my heart that you could have been included in this photo, too, just like you should have been.

Miss you beautiful baby.

Lots of Love,
Mummy
xxxx

Holding my first newborn in ages

I held a newborn baby boy today, the first time since I lost Bailey.  I'd almost forgotten what it felt like to hold one so little.  It was wonderful to hold a brand new baby, sleeping, content and absolutely perfect.  He is beautiful.  I was thinking about Bailey and how tiny he was compared to a full-term baby (he would be nearly 5 months old now if he was born on his due date), and how my new little one will be just as warm, cuddly and content.  Brodie and I bought little Charlie a couple of jumpsuits, and Brodie knew that they were for a baby - he was so cute in showing my mum what we had bought for Charlie.

I was trying to imagine the baby with a cleft as mine will have a hole in his face.  Will people think my baby isn't perfect?  Will I be able to cope with the stares of strangers until my little one has his operation?  I'm really grateful for this chance to have another baby, but I can't help but think sometimes, why?  Not only did I lose a precious son, but everything else in my life has been so hard, so why does my son need to go through additional hardship, too?  Why does my son have to go through years of operations to achieve what all of us take for granted?

I guess I'm feeling a little bit sad today, maybe everything will be okay tomorrow, and I won't question things again, and I'll just be happy for my little one, and I'll know things will turn out okay.