Upsetting Family Member

Someone at Christmas asked how many children I was planning on having.  I told her just two live children (Brodie and my new little one) as it had always been my intention to have two.  She said that is good as I shouldn't try for anymore.  Not sure if someone else should verbalise their opinion on how many children someone should have.  It kind of makes me angry that someone should feel the need to remind me once again the problems I have in bringing children into this world. 

Reality is, is that this baby will be my third child, and I love all my children.  If I wanted to have more children, isn't that really up to me and my husband, and no-one else?  I don't know why, but this woman always has the most crappiest opinions and comments that are really of no business to her.  Unfortunately she is my sister-in-law so I'm kind of stuck with listening to this sort of rubbish. 

Gosh the first day I met her, she asked if we were on our first date (does she really think my now husband would have taken me to meet her on our first date), then as we had used my car to visit, she asked who's car it was and when I told her it was mine, she said you can't drive though, and I asked her where she got that idea from, it's because I catch the train into the city to work (I'm not financially set up to pay for parking in the city everyday).  At the birth of Brodie she asked how is her son related to Brodie (of course, cousins, and 2 years on she still can't spell Brodie's name correctly).  So, it does go on and on, so at the end I shouldn't let her opinions/comments get to me, but once my decisions for my children is involved, it just really hurts.  It hurts to hear that other's may have formed the opinion that I shouldn't have children.

Letter to Bailey

To Dear Bailey,

We missed you this Christmas.

The day was so full, that Brodie only managed to get about half an hour of sleep between visits to family.  We started off with giving Brodie his Christmas present, he didn't really know what to do with it, so we opened it for him.  He got a racing track for his hot wheels cars - your brother is turning into a car fanatic.  We then went to your Uncle and his girlfriend's place for breakfast.  Brodie ate two pancakes, which surprised us.  We then headed off to your grandparents for lunch.  Your other Uncle was there, and Brodie was so spoilt (his new nick name for his Uncle is "horsey").  Then it was off to another Uncle and Aunty's house for more food and presents.  We had a good day, but maybe a bit too busy.  Everyone would have spoilt you, too, being it would have been your first Christmas.  I miss you so much.

We received a gift voucher at a Lavendar Farm in Lyndoch, near where your ashes are.  I'm starting to feel more comfortable with your ashes being there now.  It's such a lovely country town, and I know you would have been okay with your ashes being there, too.

Everyone was excited for us to be expecting your little brother.  My belly is large now, and everyone who didn't know before know now, and are really happy for us.  For me, it was just easiest for people to notice my pregnancy, than actually tell them about it. 

Your little brother is moving lots, and I'm now just starting to really enjoy this pregnancy.  It's so reassuring to feel his movements.  I'm so looking forward to your brother's arrival.

Bailey, I just wanted to let you know that I love you as much as when I first found out about you.  I miss you little one.  I hope you're having a wonderful time in Heaven.

Lots of Love,
Mummy
xxxxxx

Appointments with Plastic Surgeon and Speech Pathologist

I've now met our baby's plastic surgeon and speech pathologist.  Both appointments made me feel positive about the life my baby will have.  There will be quite a few operations, lots of orthodontic work and our baby's speech will be monitored yearly and if needed more surgery to help with any speech impediments.  I guess in a way I now know what's ahead and it's not as daunting as I first thought (considering I have a fear of doctors and hospitals myself). 

The speech pathologist asked a teenager who is at the end of her journey with the operations, orthodontic work and speech check ups, what she would say to a parent who's unborn baby has just been diagonsed with a cleft lip and palate and she said "don't worry, everything works out in the end, and I think my scar looks cool".  The speech pathologist said the first year of my baby's life will be the hardest with lots of medical appointments, then they'll slowly drop off, then once the permanent teeth come through, then it's off to lots of appointments again. 

I have another scan on 8 January to check on baby's cleft and hopefully we'll get to see a clearer picture of how much of a cleft it is.  I showed the speech pathologist the pictures I have, and she's reasonably sure that the palate is involved.  It does look like to me that one side is complete but maybe the other side is incomplete.  I guess no point in guessing and we most likely won't know until baby is here anyway.

Our First Cleft Support Group Meet-up

Brodie, Will and I went to our first cleft support group get together yesterday. It was at a play park for little kids. Brodie even got a present from Santa, which I thought was gorgeous since we aren't members yet. I was really nervous before going, but the people who attended are friendly and happy, so it made things a bit easier for us.

We got to see other kids with clefts, and to see the outcome of the surgeries. Only one baby was there that hadn't had the surgery yet. The kids all look happy and very outgoing, and Brodie had a ball with them as they are about his age. You can tell the children there that have a cleft condition to those that don't so it was interesting to see what the outcome of the surgeries are. Obviously there is scarring that can't be avoided, but I guess when you compare before and after surgery there is a huge difference.

There was a cleft affected person in his 60s and one in his 30s, and it was interesting to hear their stories as they had to wait much longer for their surgeries, and how they are still going in for more surgeries. Life long condition, so it doesn't just stop with the surgeries in infancy.

Still a bit scary for me though, but I guess once my little baby is born, and everything starts falling into place, we'll get through it.

I started initially telling people about our baby's condition, but have stopped now, because people's reaction to it is the same as when they found out I lost Bailey. It can't be avoided obviously, but right now I just want to get everything right in my head first, before dealing with other's reactions.

Our Beautiful Baby

Baby's First Appointments

Next week I have my baby's first appointment with the plastic surgeon. He'll be discussing what happens after the baby is born and timeframe for surgeries, etc. I also have an appointment with a speech pathologist to discuss feeding needs of this baby as baby won't be able to be breastfed (I was told that the speech pathologist has a child with a cleft lip and palate, so not only can she help us with the fundamentals, but she can help with her own personal experience, too).

The Craniofacial Unit in Adelaide has organised these appointments for me, and I was told that even after the initial surgeries have taken place, they'll want to check up on my little one ongoing for years. I guess in a way I feel like we're going to get a lot of support with our baby, which is very comforting to know.

After losing Bailey, I really feel like I'm in a different place now, and feel I am coping and can cope with my new baby's situation a lot better than maybe what I could if I hadn't felt what it feels like to lose a baby and know that if I could have done something to prevent his lost I would have. Just knowing that, if everything continues to go well, I'll be taking home a healthy baby no matter what.

I'm excited for my little one, because I know that even though life won't start off perfect, the best care possible is already taking place and baby will be coming into a family that already loves it with all our hearts.

Christmas Service

We attended the Christmas Service for people who have lost someone in their lives at the Funeral Directors a couple of weeks ago. It was a nice service, but even though short, it was still too long for my 2 year old. He complained a bit through the Service, but something I should have expected anyway.

We placed Christmas Cards on a tree for our lost ones, and then later they cremate the Christmas Tree and Cards.

It was quite emotional especially when I tried reading aloud the poems in the book, so I stopped, and then of course Brodie was asking for a lot of attention which took the focus off the Service.

Unfortunately my mum decided to have an argument with my husband at the end of the Service, which really ruined the day. I still can't understand why she chose that time to air her grievances and it really disappointed me that she did that. It really sucked how I wasn't able to think on Bailey the way I should have.

I have had some more appointments with regards to our baby's cleft lip and palate and have been in touch with a local support group. We have a recommendation for a surgeon already who will perform the surgeries, and will meet him before the baby's birth so that he can prepare us for the outcome of the birth and then the surgeries that will follow.