Pregnancy and Loss

Yesterday I was at the shops and bumped into a woman I know at church, and she asked me if I was pregnant again. So, I've been asked in a matter of weeks by two different people whether I'm pregnant.

Even though I really don't mind being asked if I'm pregnant (other than the feeling that I must have a swollen tummy and people are noticing it, and the uncomfortable feeling of not being pregnant when asked), it's just that most people didn't really talk to me after our son had died. So I'm thinking why do they feel they can ask that question, when obviously talking about Bailey was so uncomfortable for them. I was even wearing a top that I barely fit into while not pregnant, so there's no way I could have squeezed into pregnant.

When I went back to work after losing Bailey, not many people actually talked to me, let alone ask me anything about my beautiful baby.

Someone asked me how my weekend was - yet I'd been away from work for a couple of weeks. Barely anyone would make eye contact with me. My supervisor said that in some ways it was good I was away due to the company pushing to collect debt - My God, how could she even think that I would have preferred to be losing my baby over chasing some debt for the company. The regional manager asked how my mum was - what about me and my baby??? Then I thought maybe nobody knows that I had lost Bailey, but another colleague (who I respect very much) told me that he told as many people as he could in person, so I found out that yes, most people knew. I felt so alone, and felt like no-one even cared enough to ask about me or especially about my baby.

I then tried to talk to people by starting off by saying "we had a little boy", but then I could see that they wanted to move away from me as quickly as possible. I felt so uncomfortable, it felt like I couldn't even bring up Bailey into a conversation.

After feeling absolutley awful that I couldn't even tell people that I had a little boy and that we named him Bailey, I decided the only way to get my feelings out there and tell them about my baby was to sell some fundraising chocolates for the Teddy Love Club. So, I wrote a beautiful email, and sent it off. I sold a box of chocolates within 2 hours. I was so humbled by their efforts to help me raise some money for a very worthwhile cause. They then were okay to talk about Bailey with me. I found out that quite a number of my work colleagues have been through pregnancy loss or know of someone who has lost a baby. Unfortunately I also found out that management told staff to not talk about my baby and my loss, as it may upset me too much. I know they were trying to protect me, but it did the total opposite.