I Miss You, Mum

I miss you so much, Mum.

Don't ever worry about anyone taking your place, that's not possible.

I miss our chats so much.  I miss going to the shops and stopping for lunch.  I miss your voice.

We are looking after Dad, and we think we've found a resting place for you now.  Dad is happy with it.  Dad misses you so much, even though you both fought like crazy.  He misses not having you around and honestly thought he would go before you.

My in-laws were shocked to hear that you're not in your resting place yet, and that I've got you here at home with me.  She actually pulled a face as if what I'm doing is yucky.  As you know, I don't take making decisions lightly and would never place you in the first spot available.  Plus I like having you here at the moment.  It's comforting to know you are in reach and I know you would like being around.  We love you that much, Mum, that we are doing things at our own pace to make things perfect for you.  Stuff what anyone else thinks.

Plus, after losing our Bailey and now you, death doesn't scare me like a lot of other people.

Love you, Mum xxxx

p.s. I dreamt about Aunty Rhonda last night.  I couldn't work out what she was trying to say to me.  She might have to visit me again.

It feels like my mind is going crazy.  I'm thinking of everything over and over.  I should have realised you were that sick earlier, maybe I should have pushed the doctors more, why or why didn't anyone help us.  You passed over right before my eyes and I couldn't stop it - eek, my mind is going crazy.  Then I feel angry that you left me.  Why did you leave me?  I was going to make you happy and spend lots of time with you, and once Kyle starts school next term, I would have even more time to spend with you, but now I can't because you are gone.  Love you, Mum, and I'm sorry that sometimes I do feel angry xxx