Mother's Day

So, I have no words of how my Mother's Day went.

I felt unappreciated and it felt like just another day, nothing special, I'm not special - what's the point of it.  I don't have a mum I can spoil, I wasn't spoilt as a mum, but had to endure everyone else's love in.  It was just a rotten day.

I went to Dad's to help him clean his home as he has an inspection tomorrow.  I broke down in Mum's room.  Dad understood how I felt, but Mum always knew when things were wrong and always spoke up for me.  That is gone.  No-one on my side who actually does something, says something to make me feel better.

I miss her so much, it's so unbearable.  I can't control anything in life.  I can't keep my loved ones alive.  I lost one of my sons and now my Mum.  It's so hard.  I wake up in the morning and think, 'oh no, I'm still here'.  Last time I thought that I had just lost Bailey, and I know it's selfish to think like that with Brodie and Kyle here.  I just can't help it right now.

I think I've lost so much more than a Mum.  I'm so upset that she left me.  I just needed her to be stronger, just a bit for a bit longer.  If only I could have fixed what was wrong, made her happy, kept her safe.  "Why did you leave me, Mum?"