So, I have no words of how my Mother's Day went.
I felt unappreciated and it felt like just another day, nothing special, I'm not special - what's the point of it. I don't have a mum I can spoil, I wasn't spoilt as a mum, but had to endure everyone else's love in. It was just a rotten day.
I went to Dad's to help him clean his home as he has an inspection tomorrow. I broke down in Mum's room. Dad understood how I felt, but Mum always knew when things were wrong and always spoke up for me. That is gone. No-one on my side who actually does something, says something to make me feel better.
I miss her so much, it's so unbearable. I can't control anything in life. I can't keep my loved ones alive. I lost one of my sons and now my Mum. It's so hard. I wake up in the morning and think, 'oh no, I'm still here'. Last time I thought that I had just lost Bailey, and I know it's selfish to think like that with Brodie and Kyle here. I just can't help it right now.
I think I've lost so much more than a Mum. I'm so upset that she left me. I just needed her to be stronger, just a bit for a bit longer. If only I could have fixed what was wrong, made her happy, kept her safe. "Why did you leave me, Mum?"